My room mate has been on me to join him and his buddies on DC Online. Also, my best friend Marcie (from “Grown and/or Sexy New Year’s Eve”) has got me playing Marvel Avengers on Facebook. Fully functional adults, all of us. Yep.

So anyway, I’ve been thinking about it, and in lieu of actually dual booting my computer so it can play Windows as well as Linux, I am going to just describe some of the heroes I intend to create for each of these games. I suck at them, regardless, so the naming bit is the only thing I’ll really enjoy. Here are the Heroes I will create:

Palmetto Bug Man! 

Superpowers: Near omnipotence.

Theme song: Blatant ripoff of the old “Spiderman” theme, with lyrics like “Palmetto bug Man! Palmetto Bug Man! Does whatever a palmetto bug can! What’s a Palmetto bug do? I dunno, but when he does it,. remember I told you so! Hoo boy, it’s the Palmetto Bug Man!”  And so forth.

Costume: Brown with extra non-functional foam appendages. Logo is the letters “PBM” in gold across the chest.

Lil’ Timmy!

Superpowers: The ability to juggle multiverses while riding a unicycel and whistling “Dixie”.

Theme Song: “Na nah NAHH!”

That’s it. Some guy going “Na nah NAHH!”

Costume: Long-sleeve bootleg concert T-Shirt with a black “Betty Boop” smoking weed; khakis.

The Almighty God-Like Being from Planet Twelve!

Superpowers: All of them. Seriously. Think of a super power, and she’s got ’em. Eats poison and shits out gold plated razor blades, makes rocks so big and heavy even she can’t even move them, whatever.

Theme Song: Written by John Williams and performed by the London Philharmonic. Has the same cadences as “Indiana Jones” and Star Wars”, but has the randomness of a Danny Elfman score. Makes a great disco version.

Costume: As The Almighty God-Like Being from Planet Twelve is female, the outfit is a completely impractical silver thong and pasties set. Her hair billows in the wind, even if there is no wind to speak of.

Captain Picard!

Superpowers: Can alter the number of lights on display in any room, as long as the variance is between four and five lights. Also does a kick-ass impersonation of Professor X.

Theme Song: “Captain Picard! Captain Picard! Que coupe le fromage!”

Costume: Gray rubberised leather unitard with a high-necked collar, lots of tubes sticking out everywhere. Also lasers.

 

Fran!

Superpowers: None, really. She’s vengeance. She’s the night.

Theme Song: You don’t really want to hear it. If you do, that’s your ass, pretty much.

Costume: Something else you don’t really want to see. If you’re on her bad side, it’ll be the last thing you’ll see. Trust.

 

So, these are the superheroes I will create for DC Online. As for Marvel Avengers, the character I’ve created for that is Agent Boomqueeta. She’s Asian, of course.

 

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  1. […] from such posts as “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve: Grown and/or Sexy”  or “Superheroes”) has this trick where she will assign different activities to the various days of the week. She […]

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